This project wasn’t hard for me. Not once, not ever. I just decided to do it, and stuck with it. The pictures aren’t perfect, some were even taken with my camera phone, but each tells a story and that is what I wanted. My goal at the beginning of this was to get in front of the camera, rather than always being behind it. Now its just a habit. I always make sure I’m in pictures, even when its not for my project or a special occasion. I love seeing the progression of the kids over the year too. Lily was just a tiny baby when I started and Zach was a barely talking 2 year old. We went on family vacations, we had funny times, milestones, birthdays, there was daily chaos which led to one of my favorite photos of all time. I love my crazy family. The only week I missed was 22…the one when my Grandma went to be with Jesus. I said I would make that one up, but I never did. I now want to keep it blank, to remember what happened during that week of our lives. I still have an idea to honor Grandma, maybe I’ll take that photo one day.

I debated a long time over what I wanted my last photo of the year to be. If you’ll notice, I took a photo with just me and one of my 3 kids over the last 3 weeks, to kinda end the year with individual photos of them. This week’s photo is of course self explanatory, this is my beautiful family who I live for. There was blood sweat and tears trying to get this picture, Lily wanted none of it! But even her not looking in the camera tells a story. On the other hand, the other two kids stuck with us since they were promised and given marshmellows at the end.

To all of you who stuck with me during these past 52 weeks…thanks. I did this project for myself, but it sure helped having blog comments and encouragement. I hope you keep coming back.

I guess this is now a good a time as any to say that I am also taking a break from my business. It’s not really a break when I haven’t photographed any sessions for months. But announcing it helps the emotional part of it all. I’m stepping back from all business, I’m going to keep having fun with my kids, our ministry and friends. I want to take photos for me and be able to bless others. I figure when the kids are older, maybe just a couple years, or who knows, I will be able to jump back into it. I’ll be able to put in the time and energy it takes to build a business. I don’t know what God has in store for my photography. All I know is that He put this passion in me and He wants to be the one guiding it for awhile (like…forever!). I’m ok with that.

To Abby, Zach & Lily,

I really hope that you love these photos as much as I loved taken them with you. I hope they become a treasure to you as the years go by. I love you 3 40 and 100.

Love, Mommy

Wow…one more week to go. Which is actually this week. This photo is posted late, of course. Week 52 will be posted on Sunday.

This photo means a lot to me. If you know Abby, you would understand that sometimes she just needs to talk. For no one to tell her to be quiet, her voice can get pretty loud so she hears a lot of “stop yelling, I’m standing right in front of you.” I can tell those days that she needs to unload, and so either Jeremy or I will just lay next to her and let her talk talk talk. We won’t stop her, we just let her go and it really feeds her soul. She becomes content and can sleep better. So here’s a picture of it, I hope you can see her little hand waving in expression, her feet even talk too. She can barely sit still. She isn’t hyperactive, she’s just Abby and I never want her to change.

What a lovely week it was! I sure missed my kids, and that was the point. At the end of the week, I was genuinely excited to see them, what a great place to be at. Every Mommy needs a break, time away to learn to miss her kids again. I didn’t realize I was on the brink of burn out, not even being able to really relax until almost 3 days into our vacation. But the moment we pulled up to the beach…my brain shut off, and believe me, that is a great thing. I grew up going to the beach, but haven’t been there in years. It is part of me, I know God created me to spend time there, I feel I can be “me” there. Its a romantic, emotional place that truly shows God’s Greatness. I wish I went there more often and took the kids. I promised them we would take them soon. I mean it too.

So there I was, for hours. Reading my book, sleeping, doing nothing. What does that even feel like?? It was beyond explanation. Afterward dh and I went to a lovely dinner together. The whole week was talking, laughing, silence, resting, doing nothing, but nothing was so important.

Thank you Jesus for allowing us to take a break, a few days off, to reconnect, fall in love, and shut out all the many thoughts that bombard us every day. We promised to never go that long without going away together again.

And now I’m so glad to be home with my kids. I was worried they wouldn’t have missed me, silly mom stuff, but really, I was! Lily started screeching when she saw me, Abby started crying with joy and Zach was just as happy as could be. It melted my heart and I fell in love with them all over again as well.

I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but my husband and I haven’t left our kids for more than a few nights since they were born. We’ve never taken a real vacation. Yeah, we’ve traveled quite a bit, but always with the kids or I was pregnant or we were with 20 other people and it wasn’t a vacation at all. We were scheduled to go on a business trip, and we decided that a vacation would be more beneficial. What a good decision! There are two kinds of people in this world, those who can go to Disneyland without their kids and enjoy every minute of it, and those who only go to Disneyland for the kids. My husband and I, and my whole family that matter, fall into the category of, “who cares what day or time of year it is…lets just get to Disneyland!” My sis just came back from there, she’s pregnant! She and her husband had a blast without going on one major ride, now that is a Disney freak if ever there was one!

So dh and I are going. I’m leaving my babies for a week. A week!! 6 whole nights. I swore I wouldn’t be one of “those moms” that never leave their kids. But unfortunately I have realized that I am. Sure, its because I love them and as much as I do need a break sometimes, I enjoy their company. But also, I am overprotective, sheltering, and thinking of my own insecurities more than their well being. Because the best thing for them is to NOT have their mommy 24/7/365, and don’t gasp at this please…the best thing for them is for their parents to leave…to RUN out the door…drop them off at Grammy’s house and drive far far away. They’ll grow up knowing that we took time for each other, and then when the kids are gone, off to college, whatever, dh and I won’t just sit there staring at each other because our lives were just wrapped up in the kids. Well…I’m rambling here, but I felt maybe some moms need to think about this. I sure have.

This vacation is going to be awesome for us, for our marriage, for the example we will set for our kids that daddy and mommy come first. I just keep telling myself that I will survive, because I know the kids will be fine! My dad said to me a long time ago, in reference to his grandchildren one time when I had to leave them…”they might cry…but they will not die.” LOL. I have quoted him many times since.

I’ve left Abby & Zach many times, just for a couple nights here and there, but I’ve never left Lily more than one night since she was born. She’s the one I’m holding on to a little tightly this week. I wanted my picture this week to be with her, since she’s the face I will be thinking of the most while I’m gone. I will miss my older two, but honestly, A & Z will be fine…I doubt they will miss us they’ll be having so much fun! But Lils…she’s my baby still and I will wonder about her often.

ps. Nobody better tell my kids that Mommy & Daddy are going to Disneyland without them! That wouldn’t go over well. lol.

I admit, I forgot about last week’s photo. I didn’t have any picture and the last day of the week was ending. So I was forced to take a very fuzzy, weird looking photo of me with the shutter speed so low I would never recommend it. But of course, like always, the photo tells a story. The story was…it was a long day.