My sister is celebrating her first Mother’s Day. One of my best friends in the world had a new baby girl yesterday, giving her son a little sister. My thoughts turn to my mother-in-law who raised two boys to be strong independent men who love their families and love God with all their hearts…what a feat. I haven’t celebrated too many Mother’s days, but sometimes it feels like being a mom is old hat. Like “I’ve got this”. Then some days I feel like I don’t have it at all.

Then I think of my own Mom, who seriously *has* been a mom for a very long time. She has put up with a lot of our schemes and tricks, there being 5 of us to take care of. She has endured quite a bit of loss, in a natural sense and I would imagine great loss as well when us kids don’t go down the path that she prayed for us to go down, which believe it or not has happened quite a bit with us kids. This is also her first Mother’s day that she doesn’t have her Mom to celebrate with. That makes me sad.

I don’t know half of what my Mom knows. But what I do know, is that being a mom is really really hard. Can I put a few more reallys in there? Sometimes I can’t even think about my kids, can’t even put their little faces in my brain or the love I have for them will literally hurt so much I can’t breathe.

I never imagined that my life would be given up for three tiny little beings…but it has been given up, every day I give it up again in may different ways…

Changing diaper after diaper
Kissing bloody knees
Searching for precious blankies and lost pacifiers at 4am
Watching them fall sleep
Praying for the nightmares to be washed away
Cooking
Cleaning
Giving snacks
Giving up my favorite things
Pretending I don’t want my last piece of garlic bread so they can have it
Snuggling them to sleep when I know I should allow them to do learn how to sleep on their own
Allowing her to put off doing her homework so I can just listen to her talk
Folding tiny sock after tiny shirt after tiny pairs of undies with buzz lightyear on them or the days of the week
Homeschooling them or making the heart wrenching decision to
Send them to school
Giving up a career
Giving up sleep
Giving up….everything
…and I love it. Every last second of it.

Day 16/28:  I think I’m going to set up a studio in my sunroom. Not a working one, (my county says I can’t hold sessions in my home) but a natural light studio for my personal photos. Hang some seamless paper from the ceiling…wow that would be fun!

This was taken in my living room, large window to her right, curtains as a background and husband holding the fan to blow her beautiful hair. We had never used the fan before, I will definitely be using it again!

She’s got the smile down :)

Day 8:  He’s going to make some girl crazy one day with those lashes.

Day 5: Aaaarrrgggg Mateys!

I’ve been looking at pictures from last year, getting some ready to print for the kids’ rooms. I sure don’t have many of all three together, but here’s one that I don’t think I shared. I love the look on Lily’s face!

Thank you to everyone who has voted for me for the KCRA A List, I truly truly appreciate it! You still can vote, go to this link and then post a comment on this post to be in my little contest!